Now, it really is easy as pie

When I'm out working in my yard I hook my iPod to some little computer speakers and catch up on my Fresh Air podcasts. So there I am, mucking around in the dirt laying cement slab chunks to create a little patio transition from the cement stoop, when Terry Gross starts interviewing a couple of chefs from America's Test Kitchen/Cook's Illustrated. It doesn't get any better than this--an afternoon of dirt and food.

Among the various gems of culinary information these two chefs imparted, came the Answer to My Greatest Baking Deficiency: pie. Actually, pie crust. That phrase "easy as pie" has always annoyed me a bit because in Carmen World pie ain't all that easy. I'm fairly good with the filling part (sometimes my fruit pies are a little watery) but crust is nothing but a chore and most of the time either it isn't tender and flaky enough, or doesn't turn out very visually appealing, which in my mind defeats an important purpose of food--to delight the eye as well as the palate.

Apparently I'm not the only person not up to that challenge. The chefs said pie crust is notoriously inconsistent, so they set out to find the secret to a beautiful flaky crust that could be consistently produced each time. And they claimed success. So what was the big secret?

Vodka, my friend.

And while a quick hit of icy cold Ketel 1 (along with a bite of bakery bread slathered in sweet butter--the Russians know how to do it right) can improve any baking experience, it's what goes into the pastry dough, not down your throat, that makes it so so great.

Vodka, really?

The problem with pastry dough is that as the water mixes into the flour it develops gluten. Undermix your dough, and it's inconsistent, too dry here, too sticky there, impossible to roll out properly. Overmix, and you have tough (glutenous) crust. Alcohol does not develop the gluten, and vodka adds no flavor so it's perfect for the job. The basic rule is replace half the water with vodka. However, I wanted what these culinary geniuses (just ask any Cook's Illustrated subscriber) thought was the perfect recipe, so when I was all done with my little yard project I went online and dug up their recipe (Cook's Illustrated doesn't hand most stuff out for free, but I'm good with the Google).

I made an apple-blueberry pie. Took it to friends' the next day and tucked it in among the others on the dessert table. Pretty soon the accolades started coming--and here's the thing: my filling was only good, definitely not great. I'd been so focused on the crust that the apples were too chunky and the whole thing a bit soupy, but the crust was so good it just didn't matter as much. I was amazed at what a difference a great crust can make! I had a slice of another pie, and made sure to dissect the filling because it was superb--that filling, my crust: truly the perfect pie.

Made another pie. Again, perfect crust (and got the filling right). Made another one. Exact same results.

I am now the Pie Queen.

Unlike Cook's Illustrated, I won't make you subscribe or resort to Google subterfuge for the recipe. Here it is, in all its turn-out-the-same-every-dang-time glory:


2 1/2 cups (12 1/2 ounces) unbleached all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon table salt
2 tablespoons sugar
12 tablespoons (1 1/2 sticks) cold unsalted butter, cut into 1/4-inch slices
1/2 cup cold vegetable shortening, cut into 4 pieces
1/4 cup cold vodka
1/4 cup cold water


Process 1 1/2 cups flour, salt, and sugar in food processor until combined, about 2 one-second pulses. Add butter and shortening and process until homogeneous dough just starts to collect in uneven clumps, about 15 seconds (dough will resemble cottage cheese curds and there should be no uncoated flour). Scrape bowl with rubber spatula and redistribute dough evenly around processor blade. Add remaining cup flour and pulse until mixture is evenly distributed around bowl and mass of dough has been broken up, 4 to 6 quick pulses. Empty mixture into medium bowl.

Sprinkle vodka and water over mixture. With rubber spatula, use folding motion to mix, pressing down on dough until dough is slightly tacky and sticks together [I dumped the dough back into the food processor and pulsed a few times to get it really consistent. I actually had tried just sprinkling the water/vodka through the feeder tube while pulsing, but the liquid didn't distribute as well as I wanted. It isn't much hassle to dump the mixture into a bowl, then back into the processor, and the dough comes out perfect]. Divide dough into two even balls and flatten each into 4-inch disk. Wrap each in plastic wrap and refrigerate at least 45 minutes or up to 2 days.



So that's the Great Vodka Crust Recipe. Here's how I turned it into Great Apple Blueberry Pie:

While pie crust dough is chilling in the fridge, mix together and set aside:

about 3/4 cup sugar (I like to mix 1/2 cup white, 1/4 cup brown together)
about 2 Tbl flour
a pinch of salt
about 3/4 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp allspice

Notice that the amounts are all approximate. Go with your preference and the tartness of the apples.

Core and peel 5 apples (I prefer Macintosh). Slice each apple into quarters, then slice the quarters crosswise into pieces about 1/6" thick (picky, huh? but 1/4" is too thick, 1/8" too thin and will make apple mush. It doesn't matter if some pieces are a little thinner or thicker--what you're looking for is that 1/6" average, which will deliver the perfect filling texture and consistency). Toss with a squeeze or two of fresh lemon (preferably a Meyer lemon), a few dashes of Tabasco, and most of the sugar mixture--reserve a couple of tablespoons to toss separately into a cup of fresh blueberries, so they don't crush and mush into the apples.

Roll out one of the dough disks (use lots of flour) and place into a nice deep pie dish. Pour in the apple filling and press down a bit, then sprinkle the blueberries on top.

Roll out the other disk of dough (see how easy it was to make a perfect round?) and place over the top. Fold and crimp to your heart's delight, have fun arranging little pastry cutouts around the rim or on top (I made a pie in an oval baking dish and lined the rim with pastry apple leaves. It was so pretty!) and cut a few slits in the crust. Brush the top with a little milk or cream and sprinkle sugar on it (I use either raw sugar for texture, or superfine baker's sugar for a glistening surface).

Bake according to your oven's capabilities. I have a convection oven, so I start it at 415, then turn down to about 350. It takes probably about 45 minutes, but I'm not sure because I haven't kept track. I just keep an eye on it. When the crust is nicely golden it is done and ready to delight your eyes, your mouth, and your tummy.

What's Russian for Bon Appetit?